The new BoringTV channel launched Saturday fills a niche for people who are looking to get less excitement.
BoringTV is headed by Soren Cornfield, who celebrated the launch of his new brainchild on Saturday at a Beverly Hills party. He said he was finally being able to bring it all together and make a dream come true. Soren is certain of having fathered the next big hit in the world of mainstream media.
What's all the fuzz about? BoringTV lives on a single premise: most people (especially the older among us, of which there are more and more) want less excitement on TV.
"You see a shocking, graphic image wherever you zap to," says Grandpa Smither, who attended the celebration, "horrifying scenes of crime, car chases, cartoon animals hitting each other over the head. I want a channel that respects my nerves and delivers less excitement. BoringTV was made for me."
Soren agrees and fleshes out the details of what his TV station will deliver to people.
"In general we will be very boring. But for me boredom isn't necessarily bad. Whenever you take a break from work to go for a smoke, you actually strive for boredom. Or when you go on vacation. Simply put, it's the opposite of stress."
What will those seeking to be entertained in a milder fashion see then? FakeToday investigated on the issue.
"Monday is the song contest day. We show average people sing average songs. The difference to most star shows is there's no jury. Everybody will get to the next round. There are 56 rounds in total, at the end of which the show will end – with no winners or losers." Soren continues, raising a glass of Champaign, his spotless white teeth blinking: "Tuesday we have live coverage of shopping malls around the country. Watching people walk around looking for stuff to carry home is really boring. It might even put some people to sleep. Insomnia is a country-wide phenomenon to which many people don't pay attention... well, we aim to put people to sleep, if they want to."
Wednesday, Thursday and Friday are promised to bring breaking news from last year, because (as Soren argues) only old news are boring news. Finally, as Soren adds "on Weekends, we just pause the program and play soft music."
By FakeToday correspondent Philipp Lenssen (9/13/2004).